Wedding Planning is Scary

In light that Halloween is just around the corner, I was inspired to share
how wedding planning can be scary with a fun short story! 

Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Boy gets on one knee and presents Girl with a blue box. As she opens the box, Boy ask Girl to marry him. Fighting back tears, she says Yes! Boy and Girl can't wait to tell friends and family about their engagement. Boy and Girl are about to embark on the scariest experience of their lives, planning a wedding.

The Girl turns into a Bride. The Bride's terror begins with a checklist that never ends. Excitement quickly turns to Anxiety. She will be bombarded with decisions. What kind of Dress? How Many Bridesmaids? Where is your Venue? What are your Colors? Pink or Peach? Before she conquers even a few items on the ever growing to do list, she will need a Therapist.

The Boy turns into a Groom. The news brings terror to his friends. After he endures endless hours of horror stories the wedding aisle doesn't look so sweet. Trick or Treat he wonders? He hears the frighting screams about sex ending after marriage and how possessive a wife becomes. He now comes home to Bridezilla who is stressed and angry. Before he has time to think, he wants to put the blue box back on the shelf.

Bride and Groom will try to enjoy the events surrounding the wedding. Having dealt with fighting relatives, broken contracts, frazzled bridesmaids, and growing budgets, it is no wonder that couples are so frightened while planning their wedding.

Some feel like calling it quits. Others secretly wish they could elope. And others just keep it all bottled up inside. Weddings are Frightening! Weddings can be good, bad and down right Scary! So Brides, resist the inner Bridezilla and Grooms, keep your Prince Charming costume on!

After the Proposal

We are now officially engaged. Is it weird that things really do not feel any different? I am thrilled and overjoyed but no real change. I am not sure what I was expecting. (Ok, I know what your thinking - get over all your expectations! - Don't worry, I am in the same boat with you and am ready to get off too.) Bride overboard!

I asked Clayton if he felt any change and he said "No, I always knew we were going to get married. I love you so much" You will find that during this process Clayton is no help. None. When asked questions, he only gives responses that girls dream of hearing. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky and others I wish he would give me a down and dirty answer, not poetry! I guess I can't complain.

So the journey begins. My first thought? Are any of you World War II fans? If you are, you have probably seen the movie Band of Brothers. This movie would not be one that I choose to curl up and go to sleep to but Clayton is a huge WWII history buff therefore I am forced to watch movies such as this one.

Why is this my first thought of wedding planning you ask? No, not because planning a wedding can feel like a war zone (although this has crossed my mind and I feel I have had to dodge a few bullets!) but my first thought is I have to start running ‘3 miles up and 3 miles’ down. This was part of the soldiers daily activity - 3 miles up for dinner and 3 miles down to return. My wedding dress flashes before my eyes as I frantically search for my running shoes!

My second thought is how are we going to pay for this wedding. The economy has affected both mine and Clayton's job industries as well as our parents. This may sound ironic but I did not realize all the stress that comes with getting married. Of course I know that there is stress during the planning - my job is to assist in the ease of that stress but this is different. This is personal. This is my family drama, my guest list and my budget. These are issues I typically am not deeply involved in or emotionally connected to.

Jumping into my own wedding planning I am honestly taken back by how difficult it has been up to this point. I have whole heartily confirmed I would much rather help a bride plan her wedding that deal with the stress and drama and budget of my own. When I meet with brides I often ask them what their "wish list" is and what they want for their wedding. Most brides say things like beautiful peonies, lots of candlelight, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, mouthwatering food and for my guests to have a blast. My wish list is slightly different:

I wish this process could be more joyful. I wish we did not have to watch our savings drift away on one single day. I wish the stress and pressure would go away. I wish the expectations were not so high. I wish my parents were more supportive. I just want to marry the man I love and start our life together.

Now don't get me wrong, I am just like every other bride in that I have the wishes of a beautiful and meaningful day. I am just coming from a different view point so planning my wedding instead of others has been an eye opening experience!

Now off to the war zone! I mean planning zone! Cheers!

The Bling: Part Two

Ring shopping started off as a disaster but it does have a sweet ending. After we left the last store, Clayton and I discussed our goals for ring shopping because after I fell in love with a completely different ring than we started looking for, it threw him for a loop.

Clayton said that he loved the cathedral setting and always envisioned his wife wearing a classic solitaire in a cathedral style. Being an architect, Clayton also had a sentimental value of choosing the cathedral setting. He told me that in the early centuries when they were building churches they had to build a support system to support the elaborate high ceilings they had created for the cathedrals. They couldn’t build high enough to reach the top so they created buttresses (or in more simple terms, bars) so that it could hold the cathedral walls to support the high ceiling. The buttresses hold the same purpose for the diamond, to hold and support, just like the beautiful cathedrals built centuries ago.

He expressed that he loved the setting because of what it meant to him as an architect and that he would love and support me just like the buttresses. I fell in love with him all over again with his explanation of the cathedral setting. I completely forgot about the other setting I loved and I couldn’t wait to wear my cathedral ring and be reminded daily of the passion he has for me and his love for architecture.

After ring shopping at a total of five stores we were ready to purchase a ring and be done. The experiences I had at each store were very different. I have to come back to my initial disappointment though. When I thought of ring shopping I envisioned angels singing, personal attention, champagne and feeling like a princess surrounded by diamonds. This is not the diamond experience I had at all. I guess ‘hollywood’ set me up for disappointment because I walked into each store with the mindset that I was Julia Roberts shopping on Rodeo Drive (the second round!) or Sweet Home Alabama when Patrick Dempsey says “pick one” and all the lights come on and diamonds are everywhere just glowing awaiting her to pick one! If I ever decide to go into the diamond business I would make some serious improvements in this field or somehow attempt to prepare men and woman what to expect.

One lesson I have learned as a wedding planner and was reminded during the ring shopping process is to manage your expectations. I have seen so many woman disappointed either during their planning or on their wedding day. They either don’t like their bouquet or the groom isn’t involved the way she anticipated. It was a great reminder early on in this process to not be set up for failure due to some fairy tale expectation. Stay present in the moment and try to enjoy them!

Side note to diamond sellers: Have a nice waiting area that is not only male friendly but female friendly too. I am one of the biggest football fans you will meet (go Minnesota Vikings!) but I have no intention of reading Sports Illustrated or GQ magazine. Make the woman feel special. She has dreamed of this moment for longer than she can remember. Have ring settings that fit the woman trying them on. I am more likely to buy something when I can see the whole picture. I can’t visualize it on my hand if the setting barely fits on my pinky and the prongs are set for a five carat diamond. Just a thought.

Before we made a purchase there was still one more place I wanted to go. I had a gut feeling we would find what we were looking for here and I should have gone with my gut and skipped all the other shopping! I was so anxious the night before my final ring appointment. I knew this was the end of the ring shopping journey. I was relieved.

I got up early and was ready to go. I was going solo today. Clayton said he trusted me to make the final decision and he was tired of shopping. I was supposed to meet my friend Connie who recommended the jeweler to me at 9AM at my office. She was running a little late and minutes felt like hours. I couldn’t wait to get the store. Connie and I drove to Market Center and arrived to chaos. Market was formally in session and there were people everywhere. We had to park over a mile away and we took a bus to get to the building. Any other day this would have been no big deal but when you can’t wait to get somewhere, especially to see diamonds, taking a long detour on a bus just makes you more anxious!

Janice, the jeweler, came to meet us and we went up a few flights of escalators and finally were at her showroom. She asked me if I wanted to look around but I politely said no. Clayton and I had already agreed to get the solitaire in a cathedral setting and there was no reason for me to continue looking for a different one. She sat me down and she pulled out the loose stones. I love this part! All the stones are in the little pieces of paper. It seems so odd that something so valuable is kept in a small piece of paper. I have found that odd this entire process. Janice was very educational. I thought I was already pretty educated. I have been to 6 diamond locations and knew exactly what I wanted. However she showed me even more techniques to look at the diamonds and how to see good ones and how to determine what I liked. I am once again reminded of how dreadful the diamond industry is and how easily excited and overwhelmed young men must been when shopping for this significant piece of jewelry. I truly believe that knowledge is power and that is including diamonds.

Janice pulled a few stones from the description I gave her. Two of them I really liked and they were beautiful. After much back and forth I finally made a choice. I love the diamond. It’s the perfect size, it has great color and the clarity is clear with just a slight inclusion. You might think having an inclusion is a bad thing but mine is on the side of the stone and I like that is identifies my diamond. I know that when I look at it I will know where that mark is and be sure that its mine.

After my ring shopping experience I have learned what I love and don’t love about diamonds. I like a higher quality of color. The slightest hint of yellow turns my eye away. I like clean diamonds. Meaning when you look at the diamond through the magnifying glass there are no black spots and there are no cracks. You can see that is clear all the way through. I have learned so much during this process. I learned that diamonds are a lot like people. Their ‘stats’ don’t necessarily define who they are. Like a quarter back who can throw the football better than anyone in the state of Texas and can lead a team with presence on the field that is irreplaceable, but because he is not 6’3, a college scout doesn’t look twice at him. Diamonds can be very similar. Their ‘stats’ of cut, clarity and color may not be ideal but some stones are worth taking a second look at.

I was really excited to tell people about my ring but I also didn’t want to go overboard because he officially had not proposed yet. I called my sister and mom and they were both excited for me. You know the rest of the story. Clayton proposed and I said yes! So here is the Bling!

The Bling

Clayton and I are thrilled about getting married, but the wedding planning has been another story. For the past three months we have been on a roller coaster of emotions. On some days, planning the wedding actually feels like torture, self inflicted pain that is undesirable and yet somehow necessary. Here is a sneak peak into the chronicle of our quest with my unique prospective of being a wedding planner thrown in the mix. We hope it is entertaining to people other than ourselves and that we don’t end up eloping or killing each other in the process.

Over the next few days I will be catching you up on our planning details up to this point. From the process of picking out my engagement ring to where we stand with wedding plans right now and the many more experiences to come in the days ahead. Let’s start with one of my favorite parts, the Bling!

Clayton asked if I wanted to participate in the finding my engagement ring and I was ecstatic! I couldn't wait to get my manicure and go! We scheduled a few appointments based on referrals from brides and I felt like a child waking up on Christmas morning when the day came to go ring shopping!

On our way to the ring shop, Clayton and I got in an argument over how to negotiate with the ring vendor and our different purchasing strategy. (Stupid. I know.) This was a day I had waited for my entire life. A day I dreamed about and had set expectations of for years. Today was not turning out to be the day I had envisioned. The tears start to flow. I can physically feel the pain of my expectation and dream of this day suddenly being taken from me. Ok, so maybe that sounds a little dramatic but it’s true. I was devastated.

We arrive at our first appointment and I immediately go to the bathroom to try and pull myself together after our fight on the way over. My feelings quickly turned when I came out of the restroom and saw Clayton standing there. I sat down next to him and he asked ‘do you need a hug’ and I did. He hugged me and told me he loved me and that I had the biggest heart in the world and he couldn’t imagine life without me. At that moment I felt calm again and remembered why were at this store in the first place.

The appointment was at a residential home office. Everything is very causal. Concrete floors, photos on the wall, two black labs lounging on the only couch. I sat in cold metal chair. This really wasn't what I was expecting. Where was the movie star treatment? There was no warm welcome, no champagne, no leading me to the most beautiful counter with diamonds galore to choose from. Nope. Not even close. Me and my newly manicured nails were slightly disappointed.

We did however enjoy meeting with the sales rep and learning about diamonds. We left the store feeling more educated and we really liked the sales rep, an over the top gay man who really seemed to know his stuff. We headed to our second appointment. We got to the store and it was a totally different setting. It was a traditional jewelry store setup. We came in and they showed us about eight cases of different settings.

I thought I knew what I wanted. I have always envisioned wearing a beautiful round solitaire in a traditional setting with a wedding band of diamonds. However my eye kept being drawn to this one ring and I asked to try it on. The jeweler brought out what I call ‘the one’. I put it on and loved it! It was completely different than anything I thought I would ever buy or even want. But it was gorgeous! Clayton didn’t really seem to like it so I took it off and continued my search with the solitaires. I put back on ‘the one’ and I couldn’t help it. I looked down at my finger and began to cry. It was so beautiful. Clayton quickly put his arms around me and asked me what was wrong. I think it was a combination of the day. It started off as a terrible experience and was ending with a ring I never thought I would even like.

We still had a few more appointments the following week so we left the story empty handed. When we got in the car Clayton told me he thought the ring I loved was ugly. I thought it was amazing and couldn’t imagine wearing anything that was better to symbolize our love and commitment for each other. Clayton has always told me that when he proposed that I would be wearing ‘his’ ring. I really want him to like ‘his’ ring but I am the one that has to wear it every day. Shouldn’t I be the one to be in love with it?

The long day ended. Whew! Who knew ring shopping could be so exhausting! Even after the long day and all the drama, I was reminded again how much I just want to be with Clayton. A ring is a symbol of eternity, a symbol of love and commitment however it is only a symbol. Ring or no ring, our love stands on a firm foundation, friendship and passion for one another.

If I have learned one lesson about weddings being a wedding planner it’s this, at the end of the day it’s not about the ring or the wedding. It is about finding the person you want to share your life with. It is about starting your marriage and new life together. I believe that people who find this are truly fortunate as it is rare to see two people fall in love and spend their entire lives together. I feel lucky to know I get the opportunity to spend eternity with Clayton and that is all that really matters.

Tomorrow I will finish my short novel on our ring shopping and share some photos!

The Explanation

"Wedding Daze"

Day 2: She knew He was the One

Day 7: He told me He Loved Me

Day 3,650: He asked Me to Marry Him

Day 3,834: We Are Getting Married

For those of you who are not math savvy, 3,650 days is ten years later.

Yes, a decade later we are finally tying the knot!  

Day 2: I knew He was the One

Clayton is amazing. He is my best friend. He is one of those guys that you just can’t help but love to be around. Did I mention that he has a smile and dimples that could break any girl’s heart? I love his passion and his drive. He is a very talented Architect, sports enthusiast, and always puts me first. His faith and love for family are his foundation. We are both fortunate to love our jobs and we love to smile everyday!

You might be asking, why ten years? Why wait so long? I am not exactly sure why he waited so long, bu I have my theories of course! It has been the roller coaster ride of lifetime. I honestly feel we are smarter, stronger, and appreciate each other more now than we would have if we had gotten married from day one. I can’t say it has been easy and it certainly wasn’t painless but our love has endured and we always come back to each other.

Day 7: He Told Me He Loved Me

Clayton is two years older than I am. After high school he went into the United States Navy to become a Navy Seal. We started dating while he was on leave from the military. Those Summer days and nights were never long enough. One afternoon Clayton decided to make me breakfast. French toast and eggs. To this day he still makes the best breakfast! We were in his mom’s kitchen cooking and laughing and he turned to me and said I love you. Don’t forget that I knew from day two that I wanted to spend eternity with him so I was quick to tell him I loved him back.

Day 3,650: He asked Me to Marry Him

It is hard to surprise a girl that you have been dating for ten years and knows that you bought a ring. Clayton tried to surprise me a few times and finally on what he calls “plan D” he proposed.

Clayton had made me believe that he did not have my ring yet. He picked me up from work on my birthday and sincerely apologized that I would not be getting my ring this week. He even brought me to tears with his apology. We had decided to go eat at my favorite Mexican food restaurant in Ft. Worth for dinner. As we are driving in the wrong direction to the restaurant, he pulls into the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens.

He is texting and is on the phone and by now I know something is up. We drive around a few times to find a parking space and get out at the large rose garden. He grabs the cupcakes that he brought with us and we head down the beautiful stairs that lead to the lawn that we often picnic at. Instead he leads me to a bench and we sit. At this point I get a little nervous. I think he might ask me here. His hand was shaking a little and it was just an awkward situation. We finally got up and started walking around the gardens. We saw Josh and Cassandra, Clayton's brother and sister in law, and their baby walk up. My first thought was they were here to document the proposal but they had the baby so it quickly went to well maybe they are just here for cupcakes and dinner. We all walked over to an area by the water. Cassandra had brought a lovely picnic blanket and she laid it down and we got out the cupcakes.

Clayton lights a candle and placed it on a pink cupcake. Everyone sang happy birthday and then Clayton wanted to take pictures. At this point I knew what was happening. Clayton never wanted to take pictures! We took a couple of photos and then he got down on one knee.

Everyone always says they do not remember the next part of where he actually proposes. I unfortunately do not either. I heard "you have been a blessing for the past ten years….and it would be an honor if you would marry me." I just nodded. I didn’t even say yes. He grabbed my right hand and I quickly gave him my left! He put the ring on my finger and I kissed him. It was a surreal moment.
On our way home from dinner my mom called. I think she knew before I even picked up the phone. I told her that we were engaged and she said she was happy for us and she figured he might do it tonight. She handed the phone over to my Dad. I said, Clayton and I are engaged! He said “I wondered if you would say yes or no.” “I said yes” with a giggle. While I was talking to my dad, all I could picture was the little girl on the Father of the Bride movie saying "daddy we getting married." It was a great start to our engagement and the next step of planning the wedding!

Day 3,850: We Are Getting Married

So here is our story. My wedding daze. The journey about experiencing ‘wedding daze’ and documenting ‘the days’ leading up to our wedding. I hope you enjoy the ride with us!

Welcome to Wedding Daze!

As wedding planners we have a fun job that can at times be extremely difficult and also very interesting. On top of our daily craziness, there are three of us at the Bride Associates office that are getting married! My wedding planning journey so far has been a roller coaster ride. In an attempt to relieve some of my amazing staff and friends from having to deal with probably the worst bride ever (yes! I admit it) and in an effort to share the wedding details with my brides, friends and family I have started a blog.

Wedding Daze is a blog about a wedding planner’s journey as a bride. Join me and a few of the other Bride Associates wedding planners as we venture into the ever glamorous, extremely important, detail oriented process of planning ‘the big day’ all while attempting to maintain our sanity, have a blast and marry the man of dreams!