With the holidays just around the corner, it has reminded me again of the transition that happens as a 'bride to be'. Society often overwhelms newly engaged women with 'Congratulations!' and "When is the Big Day?" There is an expectation that your engagement is supposed to be the 'happiest' time of your life.
Any feeling less than euphoric, sends many brides into a state of anxiety and confusion. However, the engagement period is one of the most significant psychological transitions in a woman's life. This transition is more complex than simply taking a new last name but involves many stages and emotions that prepare us to take the next step in becoming a wife. Brides often ignore these feelings and instead distract themselves with wedding planning and frivolous details.
This will be my last Christmas as a single woman. In July, I really embraced the fear and feeling of loss during our family vacation. For all of you lovely brides who may have had similar feelings or your entire engagement process has not been blissful but have ranged from a variety of emotions, this vulnerable excerpt from my journal is for you. May you embrace your emotions and the transition into the next stage of our life in becoming a wife.
"Tonight is a bitter sweet evening. Tonight is the last night of our annual family vacation only this year is the last year that it will just be my family. The next time we go on vacation I will no longer just be a daughter but I will also be a wife.
I have tried to soak in every moment this week. Tonight at dinner I took it all in, the smiles and the laughs and just being a daughter and sister. As I write in my journal, tears stroll down my face. Tears of sadness and tears of joy, maybe even tears of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change.
I sit tonight with the voice of the ocean and feel overwhelming love. Love of family, love of God, and love for a man that I can’t wait to spend my life with.
This week I felt like a child again and life felt simple. Days on the beach with my family are a memory I will always cherish and remember. I woke up to both my parents already awake and getting the beach gear ready for the day. The blue cooler filled with soda and water, plastic baggies filled with nutter butters, the bright beach chairs, ugly towels and sunscreen. I take off my beautiful diamond ring and place it on my night stand in a small pocket in my pink makeup bag. After putting on my swimsuit and sunscreen everyone is ready to go. My brother politely carries my chair, my sister grabs hers and we are off to the beach.
As we sit on the beach, my dad lounging underneath the umbrella, my mom reading her book, and my brother and sister both on towels laying in the sand, I am reminded of this great week, the last week of family vacation as a single woman. Without the diamond on my left hand as a reminder, without a mirror to see my adult reflection, I feel as if I could be any little girl sitting next to her dad, not the 28 year old woman that has lived on her own for over a decade, earned a prestigious degree, runs a successful business and is about to start a family of her own.
Tonight is bitter sweet as I close a chapter and begin a new one. I am so grateful for the love of my parents and the love of my family. The nights we have shared laughing and spending time together are memories I should not be sad for but be hopeful that I can continue that love in the building of my own family. It is the goal of not leaving a family, but building a larger one that embraces the same love and friendship.
My heart knows that things will be different and I feel this is the main cause of my tears, again both of joy and of sadness. My heart almost feels a loss. A loss of what used to be, but the joy and hope that is in the next phase brings a surprising peace.
I leave this chapter with a letter to my family on my last night as just a daughter and a sister:
Dear Mom, Dad, Chandler and Cassidy,
Thank you for all the love and the memories as a family. Tonight is the last family vacation we will have just as the five of us. I can say that my heart is sad and tears have ended this day. Tonight as vacation ends, I feel as sense of loss as I will no longer be just a daughter or just a sister on the next vacation but I will also be a wife. The laughter and smiles and friendship we have shared I will value forever. I hope to think that our team of five is not ending but only that our future holds more team members and more love. I stopped tonight to embrace this moment and am overwhelmed by the gratitude and love I have for each of you. As we come to our last vacation as five I want each of you to know I love you and I am so proud to be a part of our family, as your daughter and your sister and your friend.
Love Always, Chelsey
